I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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