She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
