Tell her she can't have a vagina
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
