I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize