he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
