So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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