I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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