I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
