ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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