i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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