So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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