I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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