This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
