we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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