I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize