wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
