I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
