Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize