so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
