So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
