remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
