people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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