My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
