no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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