In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize