I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
