no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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