so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
