So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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