I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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