Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
