shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
