I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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