I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
