Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
