i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
