he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
