I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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