a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
