I smell stomach acid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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