So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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