Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
