That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
