I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
