so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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