i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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