I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
