the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
