i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
