Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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