he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
