I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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