dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize