im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
