hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
