I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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