I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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