i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
