peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
