...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cut my penus on the lid.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
