i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
