I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
