youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize