My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
