...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuck appropriateness.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
