On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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