I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
