I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There r osticjed everywhere
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
