I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
