Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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