I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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