Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
