You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
