I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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