he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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