just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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